Bags

bag lady

 

“Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold onto, is you, is you, is you.”-Erykah Badu-Bag Lady

Bag lady is one of my favorite songs by Erykah Badu. It’s about a woman burdening herself with the baggage from her life. It’s also a warning from one woman to another to let go of all the baggage that’s been weighing her down or else she will get left behind. 

We all have many bags. Some are pains from our past that we can’t let go of. Others are insecurities, self doubt, fear, regret, guilt, trust, power, pride, jealousy, anger, hate, lust, drug and alcohol addiction, family secrets and abuse, bad relationships and friendships. 

Although I’ve gone through 2015 to the present year slowly dropping off the insecurities bag, the doubt bag, the negative thoughts bag, and the fear bag; I still had trouble with the friendship bag.

It’s not an easy thing to do letting go of friendships. Especially as an only child with no other options. Especially, if you’ve known them for a long time. But as I began to grow spiritually, as I began to elevate into my purpose these friendships didn’t fit anymore.

I was tired of the crap. I sat alone in my room many times trying to excuse bad behavior, trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, and trying to give second chances. I didn’t want to leave anyone behind. If it was my fault there was a tiff in our relationship then I would try to fix it. If it was their fault I would also try to fix it. But, nothing I did changed the relationship and I became tired. 

I woke up one morning and I finally said to myself, after a few nudges from the holy spirit, that it was time to let it go. I don’t need it anymore and I don’t want it anymore. This isn’t the kind of friendships I want anymore.

So one by one I was dropping these bad friendships bags. It didn’t feel good, not at first.  I felt guilt more than I did freedom. I didn’t want to drop everybody because that would leave me all alone. I didn’t want to drop anybody because that would mean that I had no tolerance and an unforgiving spirit. I also wanted to constantly evaluate myself to see if maybe it was me who wasn’t a good friend. But it wasn’t true. That thinking got me stuck with them for another year. In fact, I have a VERY forgiving spirit, Lord knows! Some people left on their own. But the close ones, I had to let them go.

I’ve walked this journey alone for quite some time. I had to be alone so that God could fulfill his purpose in me without distractions and without looking back and grabbing the same baggage that had been weighing me down for years. I know that God will replace what I’ve lost and surround me with better. For now, however, I’ve left my bags at the altar and walked away into my purpose.  


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