When I was eight years old my mom and I were about to be evicted from our apartment. My mom was a single mother and at times she struggled to make ends meet. Her paycheck hadn’t come in yet and so we found ourselves on the verge of homelessness. I remember my mother telling me to get on my knees and pray with her that we would not get evicted. An hour later, after saying a prayer that could have moved mountains that day, she got a call from the rental office extending her grace period for another week.
When I was 23 years old I applied for graduate school. I didn’t have an impressive GPA nor a high score on the GRE. In faith I applied anyway. I was rejected by many tops schools in my hometown so I decided to take a chance and apply for an out-of-state school in Boston. Not only did I get into the only out-of-state school that I applied to but it was also one of the top journalism schools in the country.
My graduate school was small and so they didn’t have housing for graduate students. So at 23 years old, with no credit nor money to my name, I had to go apartment hunting. Before my mom and I headed to Boston we prayed for doors to open. I had no credit and my family’s credit history was not in good standing. We needed another miracle. In faith we drove to Boston, a city we knew nothing about to see what we could find. In a turn of events, a very nice realtor(our original cancelled on us) took us around the city to find an apartment. Knowing nothing about Boston we had no idea we were in a swanky part of town. To our surprise and naivety everything was overpriced and hella small lol. However, we eventually found an apartment that we could afford.
Having no credit and no job as of yet my landlord, for whatever reason, took a chance on me and I got the apartment with lower rent than anyone else in the building. Me, a 23 year old broke graduate student, living in a neighborhood occupied by doctors, lawyers, and highly paid businessmen and women. A Red Sox player lived two blocks ahead of me in a fancy condo!
Now living in my apartment I realized that my father’s GI Bill and student loans weren’t going to be enough to cover all my graduate school expenses. I needed to find a job. I didn’t know where to look but my mom insisted I try a temp agency. I was going to try all of them just to cast a wider net. Before I left out the door the next day I said a big prayer that I’d find a job that works around my school schedule. I got up and headed out to conquer the city of Boston…but first I had to pay my month’s rent.
As I was writing my check to give to the secretary at the front desk she happened to ask me if I was looking for a job. “My God,” I thought as I proceeded to tell her that I indeed was looking for a job and was about to scour the city to find one. She gave me the number to a general manager of a small hotel downtown. I went to the interview and was hired on the spot. I happily worked there for the duration of my Master’s program with no interference to my schoolwork.
At 32 years old I left a stable job in education to follow a vision that God gave me. After several years of failing to get my foot in the door in television I started working in education. I didn’t exactly fit in to the life of an educator. I felt out of place, lost. I was wandering in darkness feeling empty inside. I was not fulfilling my purpose but I was trying to force one in education. But when God called my name I decided to walk out on faith and pursue what God promised me. I was willing to live a freelancer’s life, albeit a highly unstable one, to pursue a new dream of starting a business.
At 36 years old I left a cushy yet unstable freelance job as a government contractor. God told it was time to move. This was hard to explain to people because who the hell would leave a job without first having another job in place? God told me to move. The spirit was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. We fought for two days. I was not about to leave a job that paid my bills to stand in faith in the wilderness with nothing. I lost that fight. I finally went to my job in what felt like an outer body experience and gave my two weeks notice. I also left all my other side jobs as well. I had nothing. No money, no resources, and no equipment to start a business. It was just going to be me and God.
Yet, through all my struggles and disappointments, my highs and my lows, my mistakes and lack of faith at times, God has never let me drown. I’ve never succumbed to defeat. I’m not telling anyone to do what I did. In fact if God didn’t tell you to do it then I would advise not to do it. I’m just telling my story of faith and what God did for me.
I’ve never been afraid to put myself out there. I’ve alway been brave when it came to starting a new adventure. I had this unwavering childlike faith in God that if I took that first step HE would take care of the rest. But my faith has wavered since I was a little girl praying with my mom in our living room hoping to not get evicted. I had been pushing and forcing things to happen because I’d become impatient. I’ve been obsessing and fretting over this dream, squeezing the very life out of it. I’d lost my way and found myself frustrated, tired, and depressed. I’d somehow told God that I would take it from here and that I’m going to make this happen. I had too many disappointments so I didn’t trust him anymore. I’d forgotten the history of my childlike faith in God when I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. I’d forgotten how he did the impossible in my life.
God said if I did all of this for you then why wouldn’t I take care of you now? It was me who gave you the dream. It was me who took care of you when you had nothing. It was me who believed in you. It was me who saved you when you were in trouble. Why now have you forgotten your faith in me?