I had faith in God to do small things like help me pass a test or help me graduate or help me to get home safely or bless my food. These aren’t really small but these are things I thought were simple enough to pray about.
For large things like healing and waiting on God to deliver on his promises presented a great challenge to me. Seemingly impossibles task seemed quite intangible and very far away.
When my uncle Charlie died and my car accident happened that is when I decided that I couldn’t trust God.
My uncle Charlie had a spirit that could light up any room. He made everyone feel comfortable with his easy laugh and smile. He always told the funniest jokes and was just an all around cool person.
A few months before his death he had rededicated his life to Christ. He was going to church and Bible study. He was starting to lift himself back up from everything and everyone that was trying to tear him down.
So when he laid in that hospital bed unconscious from a heart attack I was sure that God would let him stay. With all the prayer warriors standing over him and me playing “It Ain’t Over” by Maurette Brown Clark from my phone in his ear I was sure that he was going to live. He had to live because he was coming into his own in Christ and I just knew that he still had great things to do on his earth. But, instead he went to be with the Lord and I was devastated. How could God take Uncle Charlie away when I felt he had far more living to do?
After his death I was confused about the will of God. How were we supposed to pray? Are we supposed to pray for things to change? Are we supposed to pray to him even if God knows the end result? What’s the point of praying if God executes his own will anyway?
I didn’t want to pray for anything after his death. I was more of a wait and see type of person with God. If he did it then praise God. If he didn’t then it wasn’t his will and wasn’t worth bringing up again. I didn’t want to pray for anything or anyone because I was afraid it would be outside of his will. I didn’t want to be disappointed again.
To make matters worse I was in a car accident. I was in Texas for work. I was traveling to a work site when I began to notice the car behind me was driving a little fast. He was gaining on me pretty quickly but I didn’t worry too much because in Texas if you’re driving too slow they’d go around you.
So as I was approaching the turn there was a big dump truck waiting to get out onto to the road. It was a narrow road and the truck was taking up half of it. So as I slowed down to make the narrow turn the speeding car behind me hit the back of my rental car. My car spun around barely missing the dump truck and glided all the way into a fence a few yards away. My neck was immediately in pain. I didn’t want to move. The ambulance came, the police came, and the dump truck driver kept me calm until they got me out of the car and onto a stretcher.
I was in the emergency room for about an hour. I wasn’t badly injured and the doctor ok’d me to discharge. I took a few days off, got a new rental car, and then went back to work.
A month later the police report finally came back(It was a small town in Texas) saying that no one was at fault. No one was at fault! Any place in the US will tell you that the person who hits you from behind is always at fault. There was also no report from the dump truck driver who was the only witness to what really happened.
On top of that the people who hit me called and told me that it was my fault and that they wanted their car fixed immediately. Can you believe it? They hit me! I learned that when they saw my federal government uniform they immediately saw dollar signs and thought they were going to be compensated.
The next year I received a bill for the ambulance and a hospital bill. The guilty party said they weren’t paying for any of it. So I had to pay off the ambulance bill and my insurance eventually paid the hospital bill.
I was so mad at God. How is it that I had to foot the bill for everything involving this accident when it wasn’t even my fault? It didn’t make sense!
The day before the accident I heard God ask me if I was ready. I didn’t know what I was ready for but I told him yes. I was thinking along the lines of being ready to receive a blessing…not the car accident from hell. The day before God asked me that question I also remember the presence of Satan in my hotel room. He was sitting in the chair in the corner watching me as I slept. I was frightened and shot out of my sleep. When I looked up at the chair the presence was gone. Satan was trying to kill me.
What I’ve learned most from the death of my uncle is that prayer isn’t always about telling God about our will. It’s really about God revealing his will through prayer. Of course there have been many people in the Bible who prayed to God and the situation changed. Moses and Hezekiah comes to mind. But I really believe that prayer is about the revelation of what God is doing, going to do, and wants to do in your life.
Maybe the whole point of my uncle rededicating his life was that he would be saved before his untimely death and forever be in the presence of God…versus the alternative.
The purpose of my car accident has yet to be revealed to me. It still haunts me in many ways until this present day. I don’t understand why yet.
I’m still learning to trust God more even when I don’t understand his will. It is an ever evolving process. So don’t give up on God because he won’t ever give up on you.