I had faith in God to do small things like help me pass a test or help me graduate or help me to get home safely or bless my food. These aren’t really small but these are things I thought were simple enough to pray about.
For large things like healing and waiting on God to deliver on his promises presented a great challenge to me. Seemingly impossibles task seemed quite intangible and very far away.
When my uncle Charlie died and my car accident happened I decided that I couldn’t trust God.
My uncle Charlie had a spirit that could light up any room. He made everyone feel comfortable with his easy laugh and smile. He always told the funniest jokes and was just an all around cool person.
A few months before his death he had rededicated his life to Christ. He was going to church and Bible study. He was starting to lift himself back up from everything and everyone that was trying to tear him down.
So when he laid in that hospital bed unconscious from a heart attack I was sure that God would let him stay. With all the prayer warriors standing over him and me playing “It Ain’t Over” by Maurette Brown Clark from my phone in his ear I was sure that he was going to live. He had to live because he was coming into his own in Christ and I just knew that he still had great things to do on his earth. But, instead he went to be with the Lord and I was devastated. How could God take Uncle Charlie away when I felt he had far more living to do?
After his death I was confused about the will of God. How were we supposed to pray? Are we supposed to pray for things to change? Are we supposed to pray to him even if God knows the end result? What’s the point of praying if God executes his own will anyway?
I didn’t want to pray for anything after his death. I was more of a wait and see type of person with God. If he did it then praise God. If he didn’t then it wasn’t his will and wasn’t worth bringing up again. I didn’t want to pray for anything or anyone because I was afraid it would be outside of his will. I didn’t want to be disappointed again.
What I’ve learned most from the death of my uncle is that prayer isn’t always about telling God about our will. It’s really about God revealing his will through prayer. Of course there have been many people in the Bible who prayed to God and the situation changed. Moses and Hezekiah comes to mind. But I really believe that prayer is about the revelation of what God is doing, going to do, and wants to do in your life.
Maybe the whole point of my uncle rededicating his life was that he would be saved before his untimely death and forever be in the presence of God…versus the alternative.
I’m still learning to trust God more even when I don’t understand his will. It is an ever evolving process. So don’t give up on God because he won’t ever give up on you.