Frumpy Old Coat

Photo by Skylar Kang on

There’s this frumpy old coat that hangs in my closet. It’s a dull old coat that doesn’t match anything else that I own. It bunches up everywhere, it’s itchy on the inside, and tearing apart at the seems. I’ve outgrown this coat many times but yet I can’t seem to let it go.

On the outside the coat looks great. Depending on who’s looking the coat looks good from different angles. Everyone loves me in it. “You have to wear this coat,” they would say, “This coat makes sense. This is a sensible coat for you.” I didn’t understand why they didn’t like my other coats. I had many different coats with many different styles. Why just the one coat?

Afraid to disappoint everyone else I put on the coat. Maybe they were right. Maybe I belonged in this coat. Maybe I wasn’t seeing what everyone else was seeing. Maybe I was in denial about the coat. This coat doesn’t upset anyone or make them uncomfortable. Maybe I should just accept this coat.

So I tried to make this coat work. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t heavy and uncomfortable. But when I raised my arms to fly the sleeves would ride up and get stuck at the elbows. When I turned my head it would bunch up at the neck leaving room for people to grab hold of me. When I tried to take it off to breathe I was exposed and vulnerable. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was a sad woman in a frumpy old coat whom everyone loved but me.

“I know who you are,” a still small voice would say, “I’ve always known. Wear your own coat.” I don’t want my own coat. My coat will cause ridicule. It will cause people to stare and laugh. My coat will bring me to the forefront when all I’ve been trying to do is hide. My coat will leave me vulnerable to vultures and snakes. My coat will leave me lonely and afraid. I can’t let go of this coat. This is what they want from me. Nobody wants to see me in my own coat.

Still the small voice says, “I know who you are.”

Following me around day and night it continues to say,

“I know who you are.”

When I turn my attention to shiny, distracting things because I’m too afraid of my destiny,

“I know who you are.”

When no one sees me or cares to see me,

“I know who you are.”

When people are against me,

“I know who you are.”

When I lose my way,

“I know who you are.”

When I struggle everyday to let go of this coat,

“I know who you are.”

I know who you are

I know who you are

I know who you are

“For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.¬†And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”- Romans 8:29-30.

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