I remember a big snow storm that we had in 2015. I don’t remember how or why I got stuck at my cousin’s house during the blizzard but I was there with my aunt and my two cousins. Our first day together was fun. We kept each other company, we watched movies, and we ate all of the snacks. However, the next day cabin fever kicked in. I wanted out. I am an only child and I am use to retreating away into my own space when my social battery is running low. In my cousin’s apartment there was no room to be alone. Our family, we are mostly extroverts and we like to talk and joke and laugh. It’s just the way we are, loud, expressive, and passionate. On this particular afternoon though, I wanted to be alone. My cousins were siblings and so they argued a lot which is normal if you have siblings. I don’t argue with no one but myself so the background noise was driving me insane. So I retreated to the guest room and played around on my laptop.
I don’t remember when I came across this gorgeous home I saw on Pinterest. Perhaps my mom and I were talking about homes and Pinterest was ear hustling, but this particular home began to appear in my feed. It was, at the time, a 20 million dollar home, in the mountains, in sunny California. Celebrities stayed there for vacation and the rich got married there. It was a beautiful home. I didn’t think much of it at first. I barely had 20 dollars to my name let alone dream about a 20 million dollar home. My mind was on smaller things like a simple single family home in the suburbs…not in the mountains of California. Hell, not even in California. Somewhere less expensive like…I don’t know where but not California.
I was scrolling through my feed that day when the house appeared again. I’m looking at it from all these different angles and just thinking wow, what a beautiful home/resort this is. I was just looking at it to be looking at it. Then out of nowhere God said, “Well, why not you?” I was in shock. I was nowhere close to buying a house. I was nowhere above the poverty line. I was broke as broke can be. I wasn’t even thinking about this home because I only used Pinterest to find funny memes. It was the oddest and most scariest thing God has ever told me. Well, actually the second. The first was when he told me to start a business with no resources or experience whatsoever.
Let me tell you a little about me, I am frugal as hell. I don’t spend unnecessary money. I get mad if I wasted my money even it was $5 or $20. My motto is “Why buy one big expensive thing when you can buy cheaper, multiple small things with the same amount.” I don’t particularly care for fancy things. I don’t care about material things. I don’t care about designer clothes or a bunch of jewelry. I don’t care about clout and status. I don’t care about titles or degrees. Those things fade. You can leave your fortunes to someone else when you die and they can squander it and ruin your legacy. It’s not worth chasing in this short life. Of course, like Solomon, if God offered it to me as a blessing I would take it but I’m not chasing it.
But that’s not the point of this story.
I’m not here to preach prosperity. I don’t believe in prosperity preaching. Having a true relationship with God is not about getting things from God. Its about discovering and following God’s plan for your life. It’s about your purpose and how it will make room for others. What God was really telling me is that I needed to step my faith game up. My dream had to be bigger. My expectations had to be higher. My confidence in God had to match that house. My thoughts had to match that house. My energy had to match that house. This is was a boss level mission and I was trying to be small and invisible. The world and its lessons taught me to be small and to only live in survival mode.*
Although it pays to be frugal and smart with the things you have, it is also an affect of survival. Survival has tunnel vision. You’re just trying to make it day to day. Dreaming is a luxury you can’t afford. You have to hold on to everything you get because it can all go away. Small things are more tangible. Settling is more tangible than to trust God into the unknown. Survival breeds mistrust and isolation. Survival sets limits on God in your life.
God has spoken to you. This is strictly for those God has spoken to. God has drawn you out. You have been hiding. You have been surviving. God made you an Abraham promise but you gave an Abraham and Sarah response. You’ve been putting God in a box because what you see has become more important than what he has told you. You don’t believe it’s for you because it’s never been for you. You’ve watched everyone else succeed at some level. You’ve applauded them but put limits on yourself. God has spoken to you. You are so much more than what anyone thinks. This is a faith based, faith seeing mission only. You can’t lean on your own understanding anymore. God will open up doors you’d never imagined for yourself. He’s already told you. He’s already showed you. Get out of survival mode and have the faith to match that dream that God has given you.
*In the future, my testimony may be that God gave me that house but for now I am still a work in progress. I am stilll working on my confidence and faith so that it can match what God has shown me. Don’t give up.