A Seat At The Table

Photo by Rebrand Cities on Pexels.com

The Lord gave me an assignment; be present at the table. Show up and be present at this table of giants that are inviting you to their table.

I am not a person who doesn’t show up for the occasion. I am not a person who tends to miss opportunities when they come knocking at my door. I do everything to the best of my ability, giving it my all, even if I’m not really interested in the assignment.

I am, however, a person who hides. I am a person who will do my best in my own lane and if the lane is for someone else I will give it to someone else. I push other people forward while I stand back and watch them rise. I’ve put everyone before me because I was either too scared of how someone else would feel or I felt like I didn’t deserve it.

There are very few jobs that I’ve been on that has made me feel like an equal. A job where I was praised for my efforts, acknowledged for my achievements, and would be missed when I move on to better opportunities. I’ve had more jobs where I was made to feel small, that I didn’t matter, and that I needed my light shut out or dulled completely. So naturally, being traumatized by these jobs, I acted small because I was told or showed that that’s where I belonged.

2019 and 2020 were about healing from these jobs. It was about digging myself out of the ash and arriving to the person God told me I could be. It is not easy breaking a constant toxic cycle out of your life. Becoming the person God wants me to be has been a constant spiritual battle for the last three years.

So now, when I am being embraced by giants, I am having doubts about whether or not I belong at their table. I’ve tried to shy away from them because I didn’t share the same title as them nor had I ever worked around them. I’ve never had any past giants embrace me or praise me for my work. So I’m looking at them like, “Don’t you see who I am? Don’t you see how small I am? Why me?” These giants, these beautiful and wonderful giants, won’t let me be small. They keep embracing me no matter how far I’ve tried to distance myself from them. In fact, they are confused by my reaction because why not me? If they can see the greatness in me, even with my small title and not knowing anything about my hurtful past, then why can’t I do the same?

The Lord gave me an assignment; be present at the table. Show up and be present at this table of giants that are inviting you to their table.


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