When God shows you a vision for your life it is difficult to wrap your head around the whole idea. In fact it has given me extreme anxiety over the years. I’ve had anxiety over the timing of it all; the who, what, when, where, and how. I’ve had anxiety about failing. I had to fight spiritual battles over what others have tried to speak over my life vs what God has told me. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for many years. However, a vision is not supposed to give you any of those things. It’s simply meant to turn your life around from where it was going. It is to show you that God has something better for you, so don’t settle.
There are two rules to a vision: First, it isn’t for you to figure out and try to make happen. Only God will get the glory. Secondly, it is to teach you not to settle for less than what God has planned for you.
I am the type of person that if you tell me this is going to happen then I’m going to prepare for it. I’m going to study it, I’m going to strategize a plan, and when the time is right I will execute that plan. I don’t like surprises and I don’t like to put all my eggs in one basket. So, as you can imagine this vision did not go well for me at first. Since God showed me that vision I’ve been trying to make it happen myself. I was like, “Alright Lord, I got my assignment and now I’m going to make this happen.” I couldn’t. I’ve tried to meet the right people. I’ve tried to make the right connections. I tried telling others so that they could make it happen. It did not. God only gives you bits and pieces of information, seemingly excluding the how and when, so that you would indeed have to give all your eggs to God. You have to relinquish all control because it is a marathon, a very long marathon.
In fact, this puts me in the mind of Abraham and Sarah. God shared with Abraham his plan for his life. At first there was excitement and praise…but then there was waiting…and waiting…and waiting. Then they got tired of waiting and tried to make God’s vision happen on their own. In the end all that was left was chaos and a hot mess of a situation.
Waiting is hard for me. I don’t like to wait for anything. If there’s a way to do something then let’s get it done. These are good qualities for an entrepreneur to have. However, in the spiritual realm, it is not. The spiritual side is weird, makes no sense, and is exasperating. I’ve decided many times that I’m not waiting anymore. It was obvious that this was never going to happen. It has kept me up most nights and has given me extreme anxiety. So when a comforting position opened up I tried to settle there. It makes sense to have a job. It makes sense to have stability. It makes sense to make money so that you can survive. It does not make sense to wait for something that God only showed you and you have no idea how to go about it nor when it’s going to happen.
My biggest challenge was my last assignment in which I was given things I had never been given before on a job; free uniforms, praise from leadership, and more money. I spent 8 years going through all types of hell and now, while I did have some Ls, I had way more Ws than usual. So I thought, this is where I belong. It’s cushy sort of. There are a lot of prickly things about it but it’s cushy. So I’ve tried to settle there because it was something that I could see. It’s tangible and provides stability. I didn’t have to fear the unknown there. But, there was always this nagging feeling, a reminder of the vision, that kept telling me I did not belong there.
I am learning to let go and let God because his vision is far more better than anything that I could give to myself. The vision feels better and it looks better. Visions are God’s way of showing you that he has better for you. It is not for you to take control of, manipulate, get credit for, or ignore. It is a reminder not to settle even when it makes sense to settle. It means that God has an assignment for you and he’s going need you to be fully and totally onboard. It’s that important. So while I may not be able to see where it is I am going with God right now I can be reassured through the vision that he’s given me that he knows and he’s never failed me…ever.