Sometimes failure causes you to run and hide. You believed that you took all the right steps, you told people that you were set to do great things, and you believed you would achieve your goals in a timely manner. But then none of those things happened. Everything that could have possible gone wrong has gone wrong. You feel stupid for sharing with the world your dreams and goals. You feel left behind because your dreams are taking longer than you expected.
I’ve been hiding for awhile. I pushed everyone else ahead of me because I believed that if my dreams couldn’t come true at least someone else’s could come true. I hid behind other leaders because I didn’t think I could be a leader. I didn’t compete with others because I felt I didn’t have much to offer. Not competing with others isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes you’re just building your empire quietly. Other times, however, you often miss opportunities because you didn’t want to put yourself out there for fear of failure or not being good as the others. I didn’t take to compliments or encouragement because a failure isn’t worth praising. Even my clothes took a back seat. I went from dressing nicely on occasions to “if I can’t wear sweatpants and a hoodie” then I don’t want to come. I hid behind my clothes because I believe no one cared how I looked anyway. No one was checking for me so what does it matter anyway? I wanted to remain hidden because then I didn’t have to face my failures and I didn’t have to put myself back out there.
I don’t remember when I realized that I was hiding. It just hit me one day and I had to ask myself, “Why am I hiding?” Last year I was surviving. Putting all my faith and trust in the Lord. This year God began to pull back my layers and began letting the sunshine in. With the nudging and often pushing of the Holy Spirit I began to slowly open up. I stood up for myself in the work place for the first time ever. People praised me for my work. My name was mentioned in rooms I haven’t even stepped in. God blessed me so that I was able to pay off some bills and move my business into the next chapter. I even showed off my legs(and them seeing sunlight) for the first time since March 2020!
I began to accept me for me. I wasn’t Susan and I wasn’t Sam. I was me and it was ok being me. I accepted that I don’t want the same things anymore and that is also ok. I began to develop self worth. I said no when I needed to say no. I began to live a little and not worry so much about the future. I began to trust God more.
Little did I know that all of these positive experiences I’ve had this year were God’s way of bringing me out of my shell. I had been hidden for so long and God worked to pull me out from the shadows. I had to be ready to become CEO of a company. I had to be ready to continue on in the face of adversity. I had to learn to build from rejection. I had to stand tall even when people were looking down on me. I had to fail in order to become stronger. I couldn’t have done any of that if I’d remained hidden from the world.
The world needs your gifts and God chose you to change the world. If it weren’t so then you would have let this dream go a long time ago. It’s time to step up and be the awesome person God always knew you to be. God didn’t give up on me. He won’t give up on you.